Love is a complicated emotion, and it should not be based on the first kiss you encounter with someone. If you want a sustainable relationship, then you have to be willing to put in the work and get to know the person. This is why you should not fall in love at first kiss.
Instead, you should get to know the person before you fall in love with them. The romantic in you might not agree with this. However, you will find that such relations often lead to breakups.
So, if you want to avoid relationship pitfalls, you are in the right place. Here is what you should know.
Limerence Vs. Love: What’s the Difference?
You met someone, you have an incredible spark, and now you want to be around them all the time. While you can be overwhelmed by these emotions and mistake them for love, it is crucial to pause for a moment and take a deep breath. What you might be experiencing is limerence and not love.
Limerence is when you are obsessed or infatuated with another person, which includes intrusive thoughts, high levels of passion, and more. It can be easy to mistake limerence for love at the beginning of the relationship when your emotions are at an all-time high.
Here are some important features of limerence that make it different from love:
You Believe That The Person Will Make You Whole
Many people in limerence believe that another person will make them whole and complete them. You want to be saved by them, and you believe that this person will fix you. This is not love, but limerence and trauma bonding.
You Ignore The Red Flags
Whenever people see flaws in someone and ignore them completely, they are in limerence. That is because when you are in love, you can see the flaws of one another and work on them together to create a genuine relationship. On the other hand, limerence is when you completely ignore all the red flags and continue to date them.
You Give Up Your Needs
People in limerence give up their needs and priorities and focus on the other person. That is because they are obsessed with them, and this helps them to feel connected. However, if you have to neglect your own needs, then it is not love at all.
Recommended for you: Maybe Love Is Blind? Go For It When It’s Worth It
Why Shared Values And Interests Are The Key To Staying Together
Now that you understand the difference between limerence and love, it is crucial to understand what constitutes a healthy relationship. For example, if you want to stay with your partner for a long time, then you need to cultivate shared values and interests.
These help you create a strong connection with your significant other and build a foundation for a successful relationship. Here are a few reasons why shared values and interests are important in a relationship:
Going In The Same Direction
Your core values and interests will determine your mindset and your life. If you don’t talk about these values with your partner, then you will have a lot of conflicts. No one wants to compromise on their core values, which is why talking about it beforehand is important.
As partners, you have to be willing to share the same values and interests to go in the same direction. If that is not happening, your relationship will finish before it even starts.
Building A Strong Connection
When you want to build a strong connection with someone, you need to be able to do different things with them. If your partner doesn’t share some of your hobbies or if he or she is not willing to try, then you will not have a lot to do together. When you share interests, you get to know your partner in another light that helps strengthen the connection.
One conflict can lead to many, and it can result in a strain in the relationship. If your core values are not aligned, then you will keep having arguments and conflicts in your relationship. This is why if you want a peaceful and successful relationship, then you need to discuss your core values and share them with your partner.
Cultural Norms Influence Relationships More Than You Think
Humans are bound by society, and we are a by-product of our society, culture, and everything else that has been programmed in us. This is why cultural norms can also affect the outcome of a relationship. Couples with different cultural backgrounds face a lot of problems because one person has to adjust more to the culture of the other.
In the long run, this can lead to a strain on the relationship. Our culture also dictates the core values that shape our lives. For example, some cultures focus on family values, and in such cultures, people live with their parents and siblings for their entire life. Someone living in more Western culture will never understand this because children tend to leave their homes after 18.
In such a case, one person would have to adjust to the family of the other person, which can also be a source of conflict. In the same way, there are many examples where cultural norms can affect the outcome of a relationship. You have to talk about these things beforehand so the other person can understand your cultural background.
That was your complete guide to understanding why limerence in the first meeting can lead to a breakup. Relationships take effort, time, and patience, which is why you need to do the work to make them successful. There are many values in a relationship that both partners need to understand.
So, take the time to get to know your partner, talk about your values and interests, and then decide whether they are right for you. Limerence can feel exciting, but it is a recipe for disaster in the long run. Love is slow and steady and will never compromise who you are.
Best Gifts for Lovers – Recommended by Our Experts:
Luxe England Gifts Royal Gift Basket for Women
Barnetts Easter Chocolate Gift Baskets
SWAROVSKI Infinity Heart Jewelry Collection
Josh is the owner and lead writer at Daily Wisely. His career has taken him from finance to blogging, and now shares his insights with readers of Daily Wisely.
Josh's work and authoritative advice have appeared in major publications like Nasdaq, Forbes, The Sun, Yahoo! Finance, CBS News, Fortune, The Street, MSN Money, and Go Banking Rates. Josh has over 15 years of experience on Wall Street, and currently shares his financial expertise in investing, wealth management, markets, taxes, real estate, and personal finance on his other website, Top Dollar Investor.
Josh graduated from Cornell University with a degree from the Dyson School of Applied Economics & Management at the SC Johnson College of Business.