How to Get Back in Tune with Your Partner After Having Kids

How to Get Back in Tune with Your Partner After Having Kids

The emotional, psychological, and physical constraints that the incoming of kids places on most marriages are sometimes depressing to the couples involved. Couples suddenly become dull and stress-filled. Couples who beamed around with lots of joy and anticipation of the next activity now bump into each other in their home, probably the wife holding a used diaper filled with their baby’s excreta. This reoccurring scenario probably makes her once loving husband look and turn away from her disgustingly like he never had a hand in the child’s existence, making the house look like two strangers occupy it with kids in it.

Get Back in Tune with Your Partner

As it is titled, this article lists practical steps in which couples can get back in tune or rhythm with kids in the picture.

Step 1

The first step is called individual acknowledgment. This stage involves the process whereby you and your spouse understand that living together as a couple is way different from living together as parents. It is because most of the things you did while your kids were yet to be born served as a spice to the marriage. These things may include having sex freely, eating out, spending hours alone together, staying out late, getting to watch any movie without having to check if anyone else was around, and so on. All these activities making everything seem so exciting and fun-filled are no longer there due to the presence of your children, which is one of the primary reasons your marriage has become boring and tiring.

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Step 2

The second step is communication-based on individual acknowledgment. For this stage, after you both, as a couple, have both personally realized that things are no longer the way they used to be due to the presence of your kids, talk it out together. Seek other means by which you can spice the marriage. From the individual acknowledgment carried out by each of you, you will notice the activities you carried out in the early marriage months. Find a middle point for decision-making without affecting the kids in any way. In this step, both of you have to understand that your bodies that both drove you wild and made your intimacy special have changed due to childbearing, stress, sicknesses, and other factors that are known to you both.

get back in tune with your partner after having kids

Step 3

The third step is expressing your needs. Due to the change in times, age, bodies, and so on, your physical, emotional and sexual needs must have changed. And if this is not discussed, you both will continue to drift apart. Though this may be difficult as you may find it difficult deciphering what you want precisely, you have to try to know what you want to save your partner from unnecessary stress and to save yourself from sexual dissatisfaction. If you both have difficulties deciding what you want, you can try out several options with your spouse. It will help build intimacy and friendship. Determining how to satisfy each other sexually will help you spend quality time together as you both will derive mutual pleasure from the time spent together. You could also check up for different ways to have time for yourself alone, leading us to the next step.


Since your communication has been well established, you can discuss with your spouse about having a helping hand around the house (this is strictly for the woman) to have some time to yourself as this helps you re-wind. You may decide to relax, go for a walk, write a book, see a friend, or do anything that may help you stay active and feel the life around you without being restricted to housekeeping and children raising alone. You would notice that if you can re-wind adequately, you will enhance your relationship with your husband as you will not be stressed out all the time, and you can stay in tune with your man.

Lastly, always pray for your family because wherever God is, love exists!

Josh Dudick

Josh is the owner and lead writer at Daily Wisely. His career has taken him from finance to blogging, and now shares his insights with readers of Daily Wisely.

Josh's work and authoritative advice have appeared in major publications like Nasdaq, Forbes, The Sun, Yahoo! Finance, CBS News, Fortune, The Street, MSN Money, and Go Banking Rates. Josh has over 15 years of experience on Wall Street, and currently shares his financial expertise in investing, wealth management, markets, taxes, real estate, and personal finance on his other website, Top Dollar Investor.

Josh graduated from Cornell University with a degree from the Dyson School of Applied Economics & Management at the SC Johnson College of Business.